


Can I still call you mine?

by sherllycolmpels



Series: Letters to John [6]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Declarations Of Love, Episode: s03e01 The Empty Hearse, Heartbreak, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes, Pain, Romance, Scars, Sherlock is a Mess, Tears, Tragic Romance, angsty, sherlock is in pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 05:12:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10210334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherllycolmpels/pseuds/sherllycolmpels
Summary: Sherlock waited two years to be held in John's arms, but when he came back he found John has already moved on. This is the letter Sherlock wrote to John, but never brought himself to give it to him, the night he returned to London.





	

Dear John,

My John. Can I still call you mine even though you’ve chosen someone else?

It was foolish of me to think someone like you would wait two years for someone like me. You moved on, didn’t you? How could I ever blame you for that?

It’s going to be hard for me to pass this night away from the drugs. I locked myself in 221B, the place I’d always think about as our home. The pain in my back and in my heart, might be enough to keep me locked in here, but I’m not sure yet. How I wish you were here.

In those two years, while I was away, you were my mainstay, even more so than you’ve been before I had to fake my death to save you. I hadn’t thought it was possible before then, but it is. Thinking about you made my time abroad bearable.

I wanted to tell you tonight it was all for you, my darling, all those scars, the torture, agony and pain – It was all to insure your safety, John, because you’re the only person that matters to me in this whole world. But I can’t after tonight, not after you’ve moved on and chosen someone else.

I waited so long to be back, to be held by you, to tell you my true feelings, how much I’ve missed you, to touch you, to be touched by you…  John, my darling, this letter is a mess because I’m rambling about my emotions, my feelings, and I can’t help my tears, I can’t stop any of that - please forgive me for that. It was hard for me to see you with someone else tonight, so hard my love. I can’t help but calling you my love, John, I’m so sorry for that, because that’s what you are.

Oh John, my whole back is bleeding after tonight, and there is blood all over this place. The stitches might be opened and I can’t bring myself to take care of my own scars, because the pain in my heart, in my soul, deep down inside me, is much harder to handle. It’s swallowing me up and spiting me across the room and throwing me hard to the floor. My whole mind palace is built around you and our time together, have I ever told you that? Because it’s you, it’s always you John Watson, my love, my heart, my everything – Even when you hurt me you keep me right.

John, my dearest, I’ve always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. I tried to lock myself away from my emotions, because I thought that they are a chemical defect found in the losing side. I now know that I was right, they are, it’s so hard to handle all of this, but it would never stop me from loving you. My everything, my John.

\- Sherlock


End file.
